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god tw personal family medical issues

my mom said some completely wild shit to me last Sunday and I want to vent about it, but what she said was so absolutely unhinged that it requires like 5 different layers of context before I can even BEGIN to unpack what she said and it’s like. I want and need to reach out to people and vent about it but I don’t even know how to start that conversation with anyone who isn’t already up to speed on my nightmare of a family.

so. my dad is sick, he’s been sick my entire adult life with a degenerative disorder but he recently got diagnosed with cancer.

here’s the thing. there is zero emotional intimacy in my family. we do not talk about feelings. we do not rely on each other. we do not talk about anything other than shallow surface level topics.

that degenerative disorder my dad has? the only reason I know what it is is because I went through his medicine cabinet back in high school. he has never once in the 10 years he’s had it sat me down and said “by the way I’m sick and my condition is called X.” even though he is clearly, visibly, provably getting worse over the years he has not and will not talk about it. I don’t know what his prognosis is. I don’t know what his current treatment plan is. I don’t know what things he can and can’t do on his own.

he is treating his cancer the exact same way. he didn’t tell me he even had cancer until two days before he started chemo. I do not know what type of cancer he has. I do not know how bad it is. I do not know what treatment options he’s pursuing. whenever I ask he and my mom dodge the question.

that is an extremely quick and dirty summary of what’s going on.

so my mom and I were going to a play on Sunday. as we’re getting out of the car my mom out of nowhere says “you know you’re going to be rich?”

I have no idea what she’s talking about and say as much. she starts complaining that my dad’s mom updated her will to split my dad’s share of her money between me and my brother and my mom is upset that none of it is going to her.

already. this is such a wild and out of touch thing to complain about. like do you want me to sympathize with you bc you think you deserve a bigger share of some future money that hasn’t even happened yet? I’m just flabbergasted as my mom goes on to ask if I’m going to take care of her when she’s old. again. wild.

I’m like “what about dad? shouldn’t he be upset that he’s getting cut out?”

and my mom turns to me with this look of condescending pity and says “[Dad’s mom] is going to outlive him, why do you think she updated the will?”

GEE MOM I DONT FUCKING KNOW. NOBODY TELLS ME SHIT AROUND HERE.

this is the first time I’m hearing about my grandma updating her will. this is the first time I’m hearing that my dad apparently has TERMINAL CANCER.

and instead of telling me any of this directly like a normal fucking person my mom slides it into the middle of a conversation of her complaining about not being in my grandma’s will.

(sidenote: immediately after she dropped this bombshell I replied “okay, well when dad dies you’ll get his money” “dad isn’t as rich as his mom” so like. classy all around)

like what the fuck is wrong with you??? there are so many things wrong with this conversation I don’t even know where to start. do you think I’m going to care about some imaginary money when my dad is APPARENTLY dying? do you think I’m going to feel sorry for you that you’re not getting a cut when you’re already set up to live an extremely comfortable life?? why are you jealous of your CHILDREN when this is literally just a consolation prize for having a DEAD FATHER.

if you gave me unlimited attempts to try and guess how my mother would choose to tell me my dad was dying I could not have come up with this in a million years. among all the possible ways you could have chosen to tell me my dad is dying how did you invent a completely new one that’s more audacious and absurd than all the rest? it is truly astounding the lengths that my parents will go to avoid showing a single iota of vulnerability. why are you like this? if there was literally any time in your life to at least PRETEND to be a normal family it would be now. my parents can only reveal extremely important, heavy information when it’s bracketed by the most absurd conversation you’ve ever had.

and here’s the thing: my mother is a notoriously unreliable source of information. she exaggerates, dramatizes, misremembers, and if all else fails just straight up lies. this would not be the first time she has told me someone is dying because that’s more attention grabbing than “they’re very sick”

(one time my mother insisted to me she was dying, when I asked if she was serious she said yes. I asked her to please tell me the truth because I was genuinely worried she insisted no really she was dying. I went to my dad and he said no, she’s not dying, she had a very bad sinus infection)

so I have no idea whether my dad is actually dying or whether my mother is exaggerating what the doctor said bc she’s apparently allergic to just telling the truth. and I have no way to confirm bc my dad will not talk about his illness with me. so I’m just stuck, worrying with no answers & no idea when/if answers are coming. I have no idea how bad my dad’s sickness is, I have no idea if it’s terminal and how long he has left if it is. for all I know it could be two months or two years.

and it doesn’t get better! it’s only going to get worse from here as my dad gets sicker and dies (if he does), they’re not going to suddenly start keeping me in the loop. they’re not going to suddenly start comforting me. I’m always going to be the last to know and I’m always going to be told in the most confusing, awful way possible.

this is just such a perfect snapshot of what my childhood was like. my family is the place where emotions go to die. my own mother can’t even be bothered to provide the tiniest sliver of comfort or support when she tells me my DAD is DYING. where do I get it, then? if my own fucking family won’t comfort me then who will? no wonder I’m so fucked up, no wonder I’m so desperate and starved for affection because I went practically 13 years before I even knew what affection was.

sizeabletoblerone:

the-awkward-turt:

neurotypical-karen:

triplestaff:

neurotypical-karen:

The tone difference in foraging guides between native plants and invasive plants is literally so funny to read

Terry imma need examples

Foraging guide entry on native plants: Make sure you only take a small amount from a well-established patch. Leave some for the wildlife, and yourself next year! Please get involved in land restoration programs to protect this plant for the future :)

Foraging guide entry for Japanese Knotweed: RIP RIP TEAR KILL REND DESTROY EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT  E V I S C E R A T E EAT EAT EAT EAT

It’s similar for wildlife.

Brochure about native fish: Remember to only fish for approved species at the appropriate time of year and only with a license and correct fishing gear. These rules exist to make sure we don’t damage local fish populations and these amazing animals can be around for future generations!

Brochure about invasive lionfish: You can kill them with a SPEAR, you can kill them with a HOOK, you can kill them with your BARE HANDS (but watch out for the spines)…did we mention the flesh of this spicy devil fish is DELICIOUS?? Do your part for the environment and CONSUME THE PROBLEMSRIC LION OF THE SEA.

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tenthousandand:

strawberryqueen00:

k3yreviewer25:

One of my favorite hobbies is thinking about the fucked up implications of this fantasy world map my parents got me for christmas


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[Image ID: photo of a map. On the left side of the map is Middle Earth, with the Shire and Mordor labeled. To the direct right of Mordor is Whoville.]

I FOUND THE FULL ONE AND ITS SO MUCH MORE CHAOTIC.

HYRULE SHOOK ME TO MY CORE!

THIS WORD HAS TWO KINGDOMS RULES BY A BEING IN A TOWER!

The existence of Oz and Neverland is wild too. Does this mean that there is a REAL Earth outside of this? Could Wendy hang out in Westeros?

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dadvans:

dadvans:

dadvans:

true story

me for the first 33 years of my life: my dad used to say “what would happen if you woke up on the titanic?? think about it” when he was tucking me in at night from at least age 5 and up, a form of psychological torture

me in my 33rd year of life: my dad optimistically thought i would have $250k to blow on something stupid by now and shut that shit down at the jump in the 90s

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this was his response 5 seconds later

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wizardgender:

ratgirlmakima:

tgmember:

Really wish tumblr had a “people are appropriating and misusing elements of my faith and that is offensive” option for reporting posts…

CATHOLICISM 👏 IS 👏 NOT 👏 AN 👏 AESTHETIC 👏

catholicism’s only value is in its aesthetic actually. sorry :/

also the guilt thing can be kinda hot when y'all have gay sex

ranmaruliker:

the worst part ab having online friends is that to maintain the friendship you actually sort of have to have conversations with them. if we were all irl friends i would invite you into my home, give u my xbox controller & let u play a game on my bed while i lie next to u and coexist in ur space and backseat game you

greenestlabcoat:

Pedestrian affirmations:


YOU ARE INVINCIBLE


AUTOMOBILES TREMBLE AT THE SIGHT OF YOU


GOD’S DIVINE LIGHT SHIELDS YOU


CROSSWALKS ARE YOUR HOLY PATH TO SALVATION

inthefallofasparrow:

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XVI. The Tower